Hope Springs Eternal

I had a pattern of hope and disappointment in my marriage.  When I was first (finally) ready to let go and say goodbye, my husband wasn't entirely decided that he wanted to do the same.  He is gifted in building bridges of strong emotional ties with some people.  I believe in my case that bridge was built and subsequently well travelled, until he looked over the edge, got an inkling of the thrill that existed beyond its structure, and bungy-jumped to his heart's content over the edge until my heart broke.

What is most important, is that my heartbreak did not kill me.  A friend told me, "Jenny, as long as you don't lay down and die it is going to be OK."  I like to tell people that the end of my marriage "was a hard corner to turn, but the worst is over."  In fact, the pain and insanity I temporarily experienced as my world changed, turned out to be the price of an invaluable solution to the problem my marriage had become.

My marriage, like a bridge across Lake Washington, was exacting a toll.  Except unlike a bridge (more like a block of cement) it was weighing me down.  In the framework of what I presumed would be an equal partnership, I was taking on responsibilities - in a show of support and commitment - that were never and could never and can never be mine.

I am content that the marriage has been left to stand as a historical artifact.  I have not tried to burn the bridge, but rather, to safely exit and walk on.  My husband and I exited in polar opposite fashions.  I've never bungy-jumped but can imagine the adrenaline (as well as the critical reliance on the anchor!).  While he had "fun", I had an experience that is fairly well-depicted in the photograph posted here; I spent a number of hours physically restricted from the freedoms and pleasures this world has to offer.  I realized then that there was a lot more to my life, and to the simplest opportunities that life may present.  I was able to redirect my focus to saving those, and I looked past  the marriage, the bridge, I had been so invested in.